I used to be Superwoman but I had to quit that job! I didn’t even turn in a resignation letter. I just up and quit!
It was way too stressful. It required long hours, sleepless nights, and contributed to an unhealthy diet. It did not make me feel or look super at all. In a way, that’s how this experiment came about. I could not handle trying to do/fix everything and I felt like I was drowning. I could see me getting smaller and smaller and I don’t mean weight-wise. I mean the essence of me was being chipped away. I felt like I was slipping away. I couldn’t find myself anymore because I was too busy working late hours at my demanding day job, juggling my own business as a travel agent at night, being a mom to 3 children (2 toddlers at home), being a wife, being active in my sorority, trying to maintain relationships outside of home so I don’t seem like a recluse, trying to attend other people’s events out of obligation, worrying about finances, fixing problems, and whatever else came my way. It just became too much for me to bear. One night, stressed to the max, while crying that’s when I said, “I give up. I can’t do all of this.” And relief passed through me right then and there.
That’s when I took my leap of faith to let God handle whatever came my way. I can’t do it all and I refuse to try. I like low-stress living. This also opened my eyes to see what kind of person I am under stress. I realize that all of my life, I’ve kept stress at bay by avoiding stressful situations. Some of this avoidance was not good for me as I should have addressed certain situations, but I didn’t because I didn’t like conflict and conflict caused me stress. Some people seem to gravitate towards conflict. It’s like they are waiting on the sidelines looking for a fight. That’s not me. I like to keep it moving. But, there are times when you have to face conflict to let people know where you stand. I must admit that the times I did stand up for myself or expressed how I felt, I gained new respect from those that I confronted. Not only that, but the behavior that I had a problem with stopped.
The new Candibee now addresses difficult situations head on, no matter how hard. If I can’t do something, I just can’t do it. I try to be conscious about loading up my to-do list everyday being careful not to overburden myself with things to do. My to-do lists used to be as long as Santa’s Chrismtas list and I would just add on to it when something new would come to mind. Now, I take the list and divide it up even further between what has to get done today, what can get done on the next day, and who can I delegate tasks to. I’ve given up being in control at all times and am letting God handle it for me. I have faith that it will get done because I certainly can’t do it.
Are you still employed as Superwoman or Superman?
Oh, here is my theme song from Janelle Monae. This is the song I was playing on my iPod when I was laid off of my job. It also signifies how I feel about life, in general. Enjoy!