ID-10070272Do you know someone who has wronged you? Have they betrayed your trust and now you don’t know how you could ever trust them again? Do you hold a grudge towards them? Do you vow to never, ever forgive them for as long as you live?

It can be really hard to forgive someone that you felt betrayed your trust. Some of us will hold the grudge until the day we die. I had someone in my life that I felt wronged me. I held onto this grudge for a few years. When I got dressed in the morning I made sure I looked extra cute just in case I ran into him. And if I did run into him, I went out of my way to “show” him that I wasn’t paying him any attention. I would replay several scenarios in my head where I thought about what I should have said and what I should have done. I spewed hatred talk about him to my girlfriends and wrote about him in my journal.

Finally, it dawned on me that I was expending a ton of energy on someone who I supposedly hated. If I didn’t like this person, then why was he taking up so much of my time? He dictated how I dressed when I went out, he invaded my thoughts, and he was always the topic of conversation among my friends. If this is someone who I did not want in my life anymore, then why was he still there as if he never left? I realized that between us two, I was the only one who was still walking around with a big chip on my shoulder living my life with him surrounding all of my thoughts. I was the one losing sleep, stressing out, wasting time plotting, and rehashing what-if scenarios in my mind. The person I needed to forgive was living their life clueless to my dastardly schemes. When I fully realized that, I knew that I needed to forgive him so that I could move on with my life. It made no sense to carry around that grudge, that stress and that toll on my health. When I did so, I could feel a weight lift off me. It was as if I lost a few pounds even. I felt lighter and happier.

It’s not always easy to forgive but look at how much time that person is taking up in your life right now by your holding a grudge. You are allowing that person to dictate your happiness. You may fool yourself into thinking that you are just fine with this grudge but know that by having a grudge that person still has a hold on you and your life. Forgiveness doesn’t have to mean going to that person and telling them that you forgive them. It  can be as simple as just saying out loud  to yourself, “I forgive X” and going on about your day. You may want to write a heartfelt letter to that person and then tear it up or burn it. It’s the expression of how you feel that you need to get out. But, after you do that make sure that you don’t look back. Any stress related illnesses will probably subside.  I guarantee you new doors will open up for you. While you were holding a grudge you were blocking new opportunities from entering your life. For example, if your grudge is against an ex, then you won’t be able to start a wholly functional, new relationship until you forgive  that ex.  Once you forgive, your heart will be open to receive your blessings and you’ll feel much better too!

Do you have a similar experience of holding onto a grudge, but then forgiving them? How did you forgive them and how did you feel afterwards? Are you currently holding a grudge? After reading this, will you consider forgiveness?


Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/

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